Woof !

So if you haven't noticed, I am a dog named Goddie with a capital G. I have been named Goddie (with a capital G) by that bugger of a guy who thinks I have some supernatural powers. I would prefer a name like Alan or John or even Gulaab Singh from Jabalpur but this is something I cannot control. Besides, according to the latest survey one out of every five people is dissatisfied with his/her name. Three out of ten names in this world don’t have a logic behind them. It could have been worse.

I am far more intelligent than any dog and many humans I have met or heard about. I have an IQ a notch above the average Scandinavian’s, the logical abilities of 7 X Neumann and ingenuity only slightly less than that of Jesus Christ. I also am as curious as a hundred cats (I am not proud of this, but it helps).

I like Garry Larson‪ for breakfast, Calvin for lunch and different bits of Fry and Laurie for dinner. I don’t relieve myself in public and I do it standing up just like the bugger, I avoid scratching myself unless absolutely necessary, I don’t indulge in frivolous displays of affection for people who call me ‘cute’ nor do I sink my teeth in human flesh. I don’t know who my dad was, but my mom was quite possibly British.

But none of this has anything to do with these powers I possess. What makes me really interesting is my ability to see through walls, disappear and re-appear at will, change appearances, morph into anything I want (from table to talc to tacos to Madam Tan) and a secret spell that makes me irresistible to bitches. I enjoy using all these powers as you will realize soon.

The reason I am here is because the bugger asked me to. Seeing that he himself has had ample web space for voicing his frustrations and pathetic views and that he has failed remarkably in producing 'literature' even by standards of a loser like him, I decided to go public myself. It’s only fair that a paranormally gifted being like me is allowed to advice, critique and opine once in a while.

So welcome all ye who have well come to the brink of literary extinction. Unlike the bugger’s melodramatic ideas, this space will host practical and real-lifey stuff. Making good use of my gifts, I will mingle with the crowds, see what they think, think what they see, converse, discourse and predict. I might bump into you one of these days and you may not recognize me (just don’t say “cookies”. It blows my cover every time).

I will write in third person. It makes me feel very accomplished.

I am not God. I am Goddie with a capital G. Thank you.

P.S: On second thoughts, I reckon I too have the right to name the bugger who gave me this stupid name. I will call him Bugger (with/without capital B).

Goddie on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 at 12:23 PM | Permalink