Woof !

Bugger’s bedroom. Goddie is reclining on the bed, watching one of those Indian movies filmed in New York. Bugger enters with a can of Bud and some ice-cream.

Bugger: Hullo there.

Bugger: Ah, that walk was most enlightening, I must admit. You should get out more, my dear fellow. Nothing like a whiff of fresh air to charge those super brain cells of yours.

Goddie is completely immersed in fancy dress dances on the screen. He barely nods this time.

Bugger (continuing to himself): For example, I was struck by a most fantastic thought today. A business proposition, to be precise. It came to me so suddenly that I almost tripped. A most Bill Gate-ish feeling.

Goddie (raising an eyebrow): Right. Well, I have had my share of those moments. Nothing beats opium.

Bugger: Opium? No no, you have quite –

Goddie (sitting up): Please don’t do that. It’s disgusting.

Bugger: What? You mean you saw…

Goddie: Uh-huh. Never mind. What about this fantastic business proposal?

Bugger: Ah. Yes. What if cows wore brassieres?

Goddie: Brassiere?

Bugger: You know, that itsy-bitsy lacey stringy jumble of cloth wrapped around mammaries –

Goddie: Yes I know what a brassiere is. But you were telling me about your business proposal.

Bugger: Exactly. We will make brassieres for cows.

Goddie: When you say we…

Bugger (ignoring him): Allow me to summarize the manifold advantages of this revolutionary product.

He pulls down a whiteboard and starts scribbling on it as he speaks.

Bugger: 1. Our product will address the major concern for hygiene in all dairy products. We will stop contamination by nipping it in the bud.

Goddie: Haha. The bud.

Bugger: 2. It will infuse a sense of modesty in cows worldwide. A cultural revolution. Sort of anti-nudism, even. It will certainly reduce the number of sadistic crimes by little kids against cows and pigs.

3. It will open a new employment sector. It’s a shame to see all that creative talent going waste. Think about it. All those fashion designers, creative photographers, wannabe authors... It will be a great boon to this stagnant society.

Goddie: Authors? Aren’t you stretching it a bit?

Bugger (stretching his legs): Not a bit. You mark my words. Once we get going, we will need everything in-house. Brochures, campaign productions, do-it-yourself guides, the works.

Goddie: Whoa.

Bugger: And just think of the potential. It’s a product that ingeniously combines necessity with luxury. Strapless clip-ons, red silk from China, denim for the boycows… the possibilities are endless. And we can easily charge thrice the price of the standard product in the market. Three times two, you see. We will create our market and never get out.

Goddie: Great! You know, I think it just might work.

Bugger: Hmm. Yes. Uhmm..err…there is one tiny problem though.

Goddie: And what might that be?

Bugger: I can’t think of a dynamic punch-line for this business proposal.

Goddie: And so you need my help?

Bugger: Well, I thought you might just contribute your tiny bit if we are going to be equal partners.

Goddie: ….

Bugger: What’s that?

Goddie: Will we buy a yacht?

Bugger looks at the TV screen for the first time.

Bugger: Hullo. That’s quite astounding.

Goddie: Yes, they are deeply in love.

Bugger: No. I meant the bra. Did you see it? Hold on..THERE! See? It’s got..holy cow! The cheats! Sniveling buggers. My design..! Oh, I am ruined.. I didn’t even file for IP.

He breaks into genuine sobs. Unlike the guy on screen now.

Goddie: There goes my yacht.

Bugger (sniffing): Yacht? Is that all you can think of, you selfish brute? Just look at that…there! It’s an exact copy of my design.

Goddie: I never saw your design.

Bugger: Well, I just dreamed of it, didn’t I?

Goddie: Never mind, now. I am sure you will think of something new very soon. What are walks for, after all?

Bugger: Is that a tail there between your legs?

Goddie: Woof.

Bugger: You barked??

Goddie: It means "buzz off", dickhead.

Goddie on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 at 10:27 PM | Permalink