Scientists
The weekly meeting of a group of scientists is in progress. Goddie, disguised as Dr. Gaudy, is only slightly noticeable in the bunch. He is wearing a t-shirt that says “Nothing shocks me. I am a scientist.”
S1: Yes. Good morning dear colleagues.
A murmur of “good morning”s, yeah”s and “up yours”s go around the table.
S1: We can discuss the progress of experiments since we last met. Let’s start with… S2?
S2: 现代汉语通用字表 ….
S1: In English, if you please.
S2: Right, sorry. I was thinking aloud. So as you all know, I have been trying to produce the WSP2 protein from the recombinant baculovirus. Last week I succeeded in cloning my promoters and now I will start cell studies. But my cell lines are not healthy.
He smiles. And the group smiles in return. Then they burst out laughing.
S1 (wiping tears): Really? Haha…So funny !! Lovely joke. Now let’s get serious.
S2 (with a serious face): My cell lines are not healthy.
Everyone nods solemnly.
S3: I am trying to conjugate FITC with AMCA, X-SE. Does anyone have some BOR-TYC-23 to spare?
S1: What?
S3: Honestly, are you uneducated? I asked for BOR-TYC. And also some HPK-(SRS).
S1: Oh, definitely. Of course. I couldn’t hear you at first.
Goddie: You can use Sexithiophane instead.
S3: Hmm. Yes. I think so. In fact, it’s a brilliant suggestion. But I am not sure how it works.
Goddie: Well, Sexithiophane should be reacted with Fukugetin overnight in the presence of Funicone. Then you can use either Clitoriacetal or Vaginatin to remove excess Fukugetin. Next, you co-incubate the conjugate with Fornacite and Constipatic acid. After that, just do the standard activation.
A collective murmur of admiration spreads at this very obvious display of scientific acumen.
S1: When will you start the animal studies, S4?
Everyone seems (a)roused by this.
S4: We have received all the mice, rats, fishes, lizards and Royal Bengal tigers we had ordered. Also, one of my graduate students caught a couple of pigeons and my wife has agreed to let me have Snoopy the IV on the condition that I buy her a new one.
S1: So it’s all set for this week, I hope?
S3: Yes. We will be injecting all the animals with U251 and T298G.
S2: Intracranial?
S4: Yes. We will plunge it right into their brains. The bastards. I can’t wait..
S1: Patience, S4.
Goddie: So what is the purpose for this animal study?
A silence follows.
S1: Surely you know we are trying to see the destabilization of the Retinoblastoma Tumor Suppressor by Human Papillomavirus Type 16 E7
Goddie: Uh..
S2: by Frameshift Signal Transplantation and the unambiguous analysis of mutations in the Yeast Retrotransposon
Goddie: Wait -
S3: as seen in recombinant respiratory Syncytial Virus deletion mutants.
Pause.
Goddie: Can you explain this in a simpler way?
Everyone looks incredulous.
S1: Well, you know that CD8+ Lymphocytes from Simian Immunodeficiency Virus-Infected Rhesus Macaques recognize 14 Different Epitopes bound by the major histocompatibility complex Class I Molecule.
Everyone laughs at this brilliant pun.
Goddie: Uhhuh. Whatever. So I understand it is absolutely essential to use animals?
S4: Absolutely. The buggers asked for it.
S3: So will you be doing a brain section analysis?
S4 (rubbing his hands in glee): Yes! Cut those little vermin open with a sharp knife, snip the heart vein, let them bleed out, then inject the heart with saline. The blood flows all over the white sheet and drops into the sink with a steady ‘drip..drip..’. It looks enchanting.
S2: We hope that the miRNA targeting sequence we have designed will show a reduced tumor growth. 常用字字形表…..
S1: We will all come and watch, S4. You can’t deny us this pleasure.
Goddie: I have a feeling we are getting carried away.
S1: Carried away? But it’s for a noble cause.
Goddie: I am sure the data you have collected for the effect of Pubescine and Uranate in vitro should be enough to prove your point. It will make a good publication. That’s what you all want, don’t you?
S2: He has a point. Why are we doing all this bullcrap anyway?
S1: Please mind your language.
S4: I don’t give a damn. I want those animals. I bought a new cleaver at a garage sale. And we are having guests for dinner next weekend.
S1: Well, that’s all for today then. Let’s meet next week to discuss the progress again.
S4: eeek !! ughhh…..
Goddie: What happened?
S4: I spilled some coffee on my trousers. Eww..Disgusting.
