Woof !

Goddie: Look, will you just explain what this is all about?

Bugger: I told you I want to buy a gift.

Goddie: And you also said it’s not for me. You have been raining hideous smiles lately, I also heard you singing in the shower and it was NOT one of your own lousy rhymes. Something involving ‘hearts’ and ‘holding someone tightly’ and... ugh. And now, you drag me to this extravagant place with invisible dollar signs glowering down at everyone…. What IS it? Are you sick?

Bugger (blushing… well, sort of): You won’t understand. Just come along. Help me choose a gift.

Goddie: Well, that settles it then. But I have to have some clue. How can I just choose a present not knowing whether you need diapers or diamonds?

Bugger: Diamonds! Aha… you are illuminating today even in ignorance. And there is the place. Right there.

Goddie: You realize they might kick you out if you are wearing underwear worth less than $40? It’s that kind of place…

Bugger: I am not letting them find out, am I? Come on.

They enter an expensive-looking showroom with glittering jewels and sparkling stones. Everything is mirrors, lights, velvets and marbles. Goddie looks a bit hesitant, but Bugger is already gliding.

Bugger: See.. this one is beautiful.

Goddie: $1300.

Bugger: And this..?

Goddie: $1190.

Bugger: It’s not that nice. What about this pendant?...... Uh-oh.

Goddie: I wouldn’t even bother reading the price tag on this one. Are you sure you can afford something from here?

Bugger: I have…$30.

Goddie: 3 with One zero? One fuckfuckitylousy zero…?? And you want to buy emeralds?

Bugger: There has to be something cheaper…

Goddie: You can’t even afford one of these fancy light bulbs. Get real, man.

Bugger (sighing): All right, then. Let’s find something else.

Goddie: What’s her name?

Bugger: Who?

Goddie: C’mon. Love songs in shower, stupid grins, dreamy eyes, bouncing steps, diamond gazing…. You take me for a fool?

Bugger: I… uh, well. Let’s find a gift first.

Goddie: Clothes. Women love dresses. I love taking them off. But, yeah..

Bugger: Ok… That store –

Goddie: Is beyond your reach. Try something simpler.

Bugger: Lingerie?

Goddie: Uh…simpler doesn’t always mean lesser, you know? But you can try.

They enter a lingerie store and are immediately engulfed by scantily-clad figures, statues with scary faces and missing eyebrows. Half-moon pieces of multi-colored cloth and a lot of amused stares greet them.

Bugger: Wow.

Goddie: Satin?

Bugger: Red… white? I am already confused.

Goddie: They start at $110.

A salesgirl comes up to them.

Girl: Sir, may I help you?

Bugger: Hmm.. mmm… No. Actually, yes. I need… I mean, I want to buy a gift.

Girl (smiling): I see. Do you have an idea of her size, sir?

Bugger: Umm.. not really. But she’s somewhat like you, I guess?

Girl (not smiling now): So have you chosen something yet?

Bugger: No, I really… I have never given this a thought before. I just came in…

Girl (moving away): Sure sir. Take your time.

Goddie (whispering): Are you done making a fool of yourself? Let’s go, you idiot.

Bugger (being dragged off by Goddie): I like this blue one..wow.. wow.

Goddie: Why can’t you just buy some little useless piece of wood or metal? Women love to keep those things on tables, dressers and all over their house. The more useless the better.

Bugger: Will $30 be enough?

Goddie: No. But the shock and disappointment will be lesser.

Bugger: What’s the point of being in love when you can’t celebrate it?

Goddie: I never thought I’d hear you saying that. You can’t celebrate love without a gift?

Bugger: Of course, I can. But don’t you realize I want to give her something? It’s an urge I can’t explain.

Goddie: Well, then give her any damned thing that you lay your eyes on.. How does it matter if it’s a silver-ruby ring or a tea coaster, as long as you kiss it before you give it to her?

Bugger (picking up something from a huge flowerpot): Well, what about this then?

Goddie: It’s a pebble.

Bugger: But see how beautiful it is! Shiny black and worn smooth… with tiny dents on it. Barely visible, but always there. This has imperfection written all over it. And it’s so beautiful! Where did it come from, I wonder…

Goddie (smiling): You found a gift, then. Diamonds are rocks, so is this stone. The difference lies, as you rightly say, in degrees of perfection. And we both know what the real deal is, right?

Bugger (grinning): Thanks, buddy.

Goddie: Now, about those $30. How about buying us a couple of pints?

Goddie on Friday, August 10, 2007 at 11:21 AM | Permalink